Sunday, February 10, 2008

In Which My Head Nearly Explodes

I posted a lot of hate yesterday. Fans, I want every Google search of my name to turn up nothing but bad, bad crap.

Sometimes I blame my blog tirades on manic depression. Sounds cool to say this, because a lot of celebs claim they have it. But is this really what's wrong with me? Or, is this like the times when I indulge my persecution complex by saying I'm a Jew? I am not a Jew, nor do I have many of the symptoms of manic depression. I probably have what's known as a borderline personality disorder.

One of the “haters” jotted down some notes, so that I can show them to my therapist. It's unlikely I will do this.

Again, these are NOT MY THOUGHTS:

I can’t tell the difference between lies and truth.

I blame others for everything that happens to me.

No insight. I do not see myself as others see me.

My relationships. I alternate between neediness, arrogance, rage and suspicion. I use people and can't identify with them.

Paranoid thinking. I am always on the lookout for an attack.

No job. I actually resent having to do anything and expect praise all out of proportion.

I don’t understand cause and affect. I attack people and become outraged, when they react. I think I should get a free pass on my conduct and be treated with tenderness and indulgence like a child, because I am “ill.”

I spend so much time getting myself in and out of trouble, in making the most complicated efforts not to work, or to face my problems, that I have no energy left for normal thinking.

I use my good qualities, like my sense of humor, in a negative way to ridicule others.

Throughout my life, people have tried to help me, but I am stuck in Victim-land. Only I, with the help of a patient therapist, can pull myself out of it...

BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.