Not a Creature Is Stirring Inside My Head

As I was just saying on my other blog, I have known a few intelligent women in my life... Isn't it a SHAME I never say anything nice about them, until they are dead?

What's Up With That?

What’s up is the bottom of the tree. Hammacher Schlemmer sells this upside down tree with 800 white lights as "a solution to the problem of living in small spaces." Cool if you live in one room like me. The shape also gives you more space to pile up presents for me underneath.

Upside Down Tree $600

More Wacky Gifts

Looking for something wacky to give your insignificant other for Christmas this year? Here are a few ideas:

I LUV YOU!

Nothing says “I love you” like giving someone Herpes -- just ask Paris Hilton! Giant Microbes has come out with a line of plush and cuddly STDs. A steal at $7.95 apiece, you couldn't get anything cheaper from a real hooker. Also available: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis.


STDs pillow $7.95




KAMA SUTRA GOODIES

Here is a little book of Kama Sutra poses acted out by ginger bread characters. The pictures are cool, and the "position captions" are just as good. Each pose has a recipe, with a little cookie talk thrown in.




Cookie-Sutra Book $7.95




PEPPERMINT TREAT

As everyone on the Internet knows, this year I wrote about batteries and vibrators a lot! Guys, when you can't be near the one you love, this festive 10 inch vibe will keep her happy! The website says they've sold millions.



Candy Cane Vibe $19.99




ROCK HIM LIKE A HURRICANE!

What if you have just met someone but are afraid he will turn out to be like me? Be safe with your very own lie detector! What makes this thing so much fun, is that when a person is caught in a lie, he gets a painful jolt of electricity. The subject slips his hand into the special, ergonomic hand clamp, and you ask a series of "control questions" that even I could answer truthfully, such as: “Who is the president of the United States?” Then... ask what you want to know. When the lie detector senses lying -- ZAP! How much does it hurt? Well, according to the manufacturer, there are two settings. The "Low" setting hurts a lot. No one has ever had the guts to try the "High" setting.

The Shocking Lie Detector $21.95