Not good!
And how the hell do I have time to bullshit my therapist? Remember, I'm a busy guy sitting at home in my boxer shorts. I'm constantly updating my hate lists, for one thing. I have my blogs to write. And I need time to dupe people from my past. And to draw decent art that is stalled. And to watch reruns of Seinfeld. I'm a busy guy!
But once a week, I have to go to therapy.
Note: My new name, "The Artist Formerly Known As Tarquin", takes too long to type. I'll refer to myself in this post as TAFKAT.
So, I was sitting across from my therapist...
Therapist: So, how do you feel about it?
TAFKAT: I'm pissed off.
Therapist: So, what did you do?
TAFKAT: I went to my blog and wrote. That made me feel better. I always feel most comfortable just sitting around and writing lies.
Therapist: What did you write about last night?
TAFKAT: I wrote some blog posts about SUS and about some woman on the Internet.
Therapist: Hmm...
TAFKAT: Although no one reading it would guess, I must have been venting about my childhood.
Therapist: Do you think you were venting about your childhood?
TAFKAT: Isn't that what you're always telling me, that I substitute people on the Internet for my parents? Not that I believe it.
Therapist: So, writing this blog is an important outlet for you.
TAFKAT: Yep.
Therapist: Maybe you could use it as a form of therapy? A way for you to think about things. What do you write about mostly?
TAFKAT: Same thing every day. I call people names. I write about women on the Internet and about SUS. I'm even writing about barnyard animals. In the beginning I was nicer. Now I don't care.
Therapist: Really?
TAFKAT: Jesus, I can't believe I'm telling my therapist the truth about something.
Therapist: Why do you think you call people names and lie?
TAFKAT: Because they won't get off the INTERNET!
Therapist: Really?
TAFKAT: Okay, why do you think I do it?
Therapist: I think this will take some time to explore, and our time is almost up today. Have you been thinking about your childhood since our last session?
TAFKAT: I'm too busy blogging.
Therapist: I've never done this with another patient, but your blog seems to be a large part of your life. Your fantasy life. Do you think it would be a good idea, if I read your blog?
TAFKAT: Oh, I thought you had been reading it.
Therapist: No, I wouldn't read it unless you ask me to. Do you want me to?
TAFKAT: Sure. Why not? I'm always looking for a fan.
Therapist: I don't know too much about blogs. How do people find you?
TAFKAT: From the search engines.
Therapist: Do a lot of people come to your blogs?
TAFKAT: Well, it depends. I like to think hundreds come to my hate blog. Right now, there's only one person from Pakistan, and I have no idea if that dummy is actually READING anything I write.
Therapist: Let's make next week a special one. We'll sit by the computer together and you'll show me some of what you write on your blog. I want you to show me things that can best help me to understand you better. Let's make your blog part of therapy, since it's so important to you.
TAFKAT: Okay, but do you realize I'm going to write about this on my blog tonight?
Therapist: I have no doubt.
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